the one thing that really bothered/bothers me about losing my job is that i feel i’ve let people down. we have one really good friend out there, that i wanted to see again. she’s been through some really hard times, and i had hoped that i could cheer her up. don’t get me wrong. at this point i could really give two shits about walmart and my job.

its that i had people counting on my trip to vegas. hell i was counting on the trip to vegas. infact we would’ve been fucked if my stock cheque came the week before, because the trip and hotel would’ve been booked. non-refundable like.

i guess i’m more feeling sorry for myself because i was so looking forward to going out there again. i mean planning had been started. drinks with some close friends. relaxing in the spa tub, and at the pools. just plain hanging out and being close to crystal.

i dunno. even without a job, i feel like i’ve let people down. i feel like i’ve let myself down. i don’t know why i’m so hooked on vegas. maybe because when we went in decemeber ’10 it was the first real vacation i’ve ever had. i’ve had vacations before, at home. traveled to see crystal for a week. never really been anywhere else. maybe i was just trying to re-capture some magic from our first trip.

again, so happy that my stock cheque didn’t come any sooner, or we’d have been vegas bound in june with no spending cash for food or anything.

small miracles i guess.

i am so very happy that i’m with crystal for all the problems. like she’s said before, “we’ll get through this. we always do.” and that’s why i love the shit out of her.

so yeah. just going to type and not going to have any regard for any type of capitalization. just like every where else. see the thing is, i’m lazy. if i don’t have to use capitals i won’t. so today i’m being really lazy.

so monday i was let go from work. and by let go, i mean i was in my store managers office for 2 hours being grilled about something that i didn’t take. i wouldn’t say that they were threatning me, but i think it was getting pretty close to it. but for the most part they were pretty professional about everything. it happens just like in the movies or cop tv shows. in the interrogation room, basically asking the same question just worded differently. every time they asked the question (worded differently each time), i would answer back (differently each time). i would like to tell you that, i finally got fed up and said, “you can’t fire me, I QUIT.” but you know what, that thought never entered my mind. even when i was waiting for an escort to walk me back to my office to get my things, i was telling my store manager to make sure that he copy all my options over to my associate, so he could carry on with the job.

so tuesday was my first full day without employment in 9 years. i went crazy and applied for like 7 or 8 places online, and made a list of places that i wanted to go to in person. i’m doing good, i’m getting dressed every day still. yesterday i got dressed, did some laundry and some basic cleaning in the bedroom.

i think it was tuesday when i decided that i wanted to try and raise money to become an american citizen. i tried kickstarter, and they denied my application, so someone on google+ suggested a different website. so i went there and set up a page. its called the MAKE ME AMERICAN. its doing pretty good so far. but only seems to get new donations when i am constantly pushing it peoples faces. i’m not that type of person, so maybe once a week, i’m going to pimp myself out and post a link to it. i think it would be pretty cool if crowd sourcing helps me become an american.